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scep
Posts: 1062
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Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:48 pm

1st man: My wife went on holiday to the Caribbean.

2nd man: Jamaica?

1st man: No, she went of her own accord.

nichobb
Posts: 82
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 10:34 am

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:49 pm

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because the parrots eat them all

Horse walks into a bar, barman says what"s with the long face?

Man walks into a bar and says "OUCH!"

A Jew, preist and Irishman walks into a bar, barman says "Is this some kind of joke?"

I have hundreds of these...

spamel
Posts: 196
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 8:43 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:55 pm

What's the difference between hard and light?

A man can sleep with a light on.....

Lynbarn
Posts: 464
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:03 pm
Contact: Website

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:08 pm

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What have we done?!!!

JustThisGuy
Posts: 114
Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 11:22 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:37 am

You all have convinced me that the first optional program I'll install on my Pi is fortune. You have further convinced me that it needs to be updated to handle video clips, ala:

#/usr/games/fortune -v -o -l
Any conversation about a sufficiently complex subject is indistinguishable from babble.

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Luny
Posts: 113
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Location: Ewell, Surrey
Contact: Website

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 8:48 am

A Higgs Boson walks into a church.

The priest looks up and says "I'm sorry we don't allow your type in here"

The Higgs Boson replies "But without me, how can you have mass?"

1 + 11?  12 or 100?
Luny

mccp
Posts: 26
Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2011 8:53 am
Contact: Website

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 10:31 am

I know this doesn't translate but:

Q: What do you call a French sandal maker?

A: Philippe Philoppe!

This may translate:

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!

Foxhat
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:22 am

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 11:17 am

Tim Vine has picked up the award for the year's funniest joke at the Loaded Laftas comedy awards with,

"Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes"

boom boom!

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grumpyoldgit
Posts: 1452
Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:20 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 11:44 am

scep said:


1st man: My wife went on holiday to the Caribbean.

2nd man: Jamaica?

1st man: No, she went of her own accord.


You've just spoiled my East Indies / Jakarta joke!

TheEponymousBob
Posts: 205
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:05 am
Contact: Website

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:33 pm

Foxhat said:


Tim Vine has picked up the award for the year's funniest joke at the Loaded Laftas comedy awards with,

"Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes"

boom boom!



Was it him that described multi-storey car-park crime as wrong on many levels?

TheEponymousBob
Posts: 205
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:05 am
Contact: Website

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:41 pm

I think the cleverest pun I've heard in recent years was from Sandi Toksvig on the News Quiz.  An article in Nature magazine had recently been published that demonstrated evidence of social intelligence in pre-toddlers.  Had the results been negative, she said, it would have been reported in their sister publication, Nurture.

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Luny
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Location: Ewell, Surrey
Contact: Website

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:44 pm

TheEponymousBob said:


Was it him that described multi-storey car-park crime as wrong on many levels?


Yes it was.
Luny

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grumpyoldgit
Posts: 1452
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Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:45 pm

He won the funniest joke award at the 2010 Edinburgh Fringe.

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

bredman
Posts: 1415
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:38 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:06 pm

Procrastinators Anonymous meeting has been postponed until next week

Lynbarn
Posts: 464
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:03 pm
Contact: Website

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:08 pm

My Tim Vine favourite:

Do you ever get that feeling when you're half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, "I'm not as hungry as I thought I was"

bredman
Posts: 1415
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:38 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:12 pm

The Tourette's Syndrome Association phoned me asking for a donation.

I told them I couldn't give a ****

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abishur
Posts: 4477
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Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:48 pm

bredman said:


The Tourette's Syndrome Association phoned me asking for a donation.

I told them I couldn't give a ****



For those concerned the censored word is dime.
Dear forum: Play nice ;-)

dognosh
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2012 11:37 am

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:09 pm

mccp said:


I know this doesn't translate but:

Q: What do you call a French sandal maker?

A: Philippe Philoppe!

This may translate:

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!


haha !!! It sort of barely translates MCCP !!! reply is both a name of a person if read as it should be, and name of a shoe if read phonetically(flip flop) , so it does work(ish) in English

spamel
Posts: 196
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 8:43 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:11 pm

What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog

jamesh
Raspberry Pi Engineer & Forum Moderator
Raspberry Pi Engineer & Forum Moderator
Posts: 24147
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Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:16 pm

spamel said:


What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog


Not if it belongs to Damien Hurst.
Principal Software Engineer at Raspberry Pi (Trading) Ltd.
Contrary to popular belief, humorous signatures are allowed. Here's an example...
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright

spamel
Posts: 196
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 8:43 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:27 pm

I think he only does sharks and cows! lol

TheEponymousBob
Posts: 205
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Contact: Website

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:28 pm

JamesH said:


spamel said:


What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog


Not if it belongs to Damien Hurst.



Nor if it's the outcome of a joke about making a dog go meow.  But I'll let you find that one for yourself, if you like that sort of thing.

andri
Posts: 51
Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2012 5:05 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:47 pm

Panda: eat, shoot, and leaves.

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

'Why?' asks the confused, as the panda makes towards the exit.

'Well, I'm a panda,' he says, at the door. 'Look it up.'

The waiter turns to the manual and, finds an explanation.

'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.'

11 + 2 = ….  OMG

Lynbarn
Posts: 464
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Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:52 pm

This has gone on for long enough – time to bring this thread back on-topic, to the object of our desires (well, almost):


spamel
Posts: 196
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 8:43 pm

Re: Disagreements on these Forums

Thu Feb 16, 2012 6:16 pm

Stef, I heard a similar one to that, but the panda was visiting a, how do I put this? A lady of the night!

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